Feeling down again about my crush…I guess thats when you know its a crush when it starts to consume you & you really cant do nothing about it…but i guess wait for a sign. But i hate this i hate having a crush…having someone i admire so much when i fall for someone it hits me real hard eventhough it took me a while to admit these feelings cuz i hate feeling this WAY…thats why i have ignored him in the past because i knew he had potential and it scares me because i am trying to prevent another heartbreak because I cant go through another disappointment. And i am always the one that hurts.Its not that i am afraid to love again…but thats just it i want to be in love & maybe thats what makes guys run or hide. I have played it off like i dont care but if you look in my eyes i really do. I dont wanna seem that i am afraid of commitment…i just dont want to waste my time. If i go out and spend time with a guy it means i really do feel for them. For me its always been about falling in love. And i think i have fallen and i dont know how to get back up…now more than ever i want to be with him…because we shared an emotional and physical connection and that is very rare for me. But why hasnt he called…its like he somehow lost interest in me. But am i overacting? maybe i need to take it slow…I know i should let him come to me. He will come around if he cares…and almost everytime he did. But somehow this feels different. Because we have meet…its not just this on going texting and talking on the phone. But now its like i get hardly any of that. I wanted to hear from him today but at the end of today im ending up disappointed. My best friend tells me i am too pretty for him and maybe shes right…i mean i know that could be true but that doesnt change the connection i feel i have with him. I feel almost like i am complete with him…like i know i can be myself…and i no longer feel shy. Thats an amazing feeling. Its like i am happy yet i am sad because i fancy him so so much,
ive been quite sad because i havent heard from the boy i have fallen for. It just gets me all worried when I start to like someone I get scared somethings going to screw it up. Maybe i shouldnt even be worried. Because he doesnt treat me like the others and I made him wait forever. But now that I have finally seen him I feel like I am getting less of him. I tried to stop myself from liking him too much because I know how I get. I know how i am when I am falling in love. Ugh I hate it cuz i am such a romantic and I cannot control my feelings. Idk this has just been keeping me up and I miss him. Whenever he texts me I guess i text him too late…but he still hasnt called /: i wish i didnt have to feel like this but this is how i know i have really fallen because this wouldnt bother me before ugh..